Let me tell you a story about a young woman named Kathryn Sermak. She was just 22 years old when she stepped into the world of Hollywood legends, hired as the personal assistant to none other than Bette Davis in 1979. For the next decade, Kathryn worked closely with the screen icon, learning lessons that would shape her life. Now, three decades after Bette’s passing at the age of 81 in 1989, Kathryn opens up about the unforgettable wisdom she gained from the one and only Bette Davis.
Direct and Fair: The Bette Davis Way
Kathryn, who penned the book Miss D & Me: Life With the Invincible Bette Davis, shared her insights with Closer Weekly in their latest issue, currently available on newsstands. She describes Bette as someone who was brutally honest but incredibly fair. "She used to say it might have been easier for her if she had sugarcoated things," Kathryn explained. "But back then, a lot of people did that, and Bette wasn’t one of them. She was always direct, no matter what." This honesty was a hallmark of Bette’s personality, and it wasn’t always easy, but it was a core part of who she was.
Bette Davis: Champion of Women
Despite the well-documented clashes with Joan Crawford on the set of 1962’s Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (as dramatized in FX’s Feud), Bette was a staunch supporter of women. According to Kathryn, Bette didn’t care for the old-school mentality where women were pitted against each other. "She didn’t like the old system, where women would fight like cats," Kathryn said. "She was my biggest confidant, giving me compliments and teaching me confidence." Bette believed in lifting women up, not tearing them down, and she lived that belief every day.
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A Lesson in Equality: Kathryn’s Love Life
Kathryn shared a personal story about her own relationship. When she moved in with a French man who refused to do his own laundry or dishes, Bette had some advice. "Don’t you lift a finger! You just let them stack up," Bette told her. Kathryn followed the advice, and eventually, the piles grew so high that her partner had no choice but to take action. "I came home one day, and all the clothes were washed and put away, and all the dishes were done," Kathryn recalled. "I never said a word, but he got the message loud and clear. Bette was brilliant and so right!" It’s a lesson in equality that resonates to this day.
Bette’s Complicated Love Life
Bette’s fierce independence made it hard for her to find lasting love in a world where men expected women to be subservient. She married four times, and Kathryn says that the love of her life was Willie Wyler, who was married to another woman when he directed Bette’s Oscar-nominated performances in Jezebel, The Little Foxes, and The Letter. "But it just wouldn’t have worked because they were both very strong people," Kathryn explained. Bette’s marriage to her fourth husband, All About Eve co-star Gary Merrill, ended after ten years due to his drinking problem. After that, Bette joked, "I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million, would sign over half to me and guarantee that he’d be dead within a year."
Strong Women and Weak Men
But in all seriousness, "the men who married Miss D were often called 'Mr. Davis,'" Kathryn said. "No man wants to be called that—they have their pride and ego." As Bette herself put it, "Strong women only marry weak men." It was a harsh reality, but one that Bette faced head-on.
Devotion to Her Craft
Bette was, above all, married to her career. "I am doomed to an eternity of compulsive work," she once said. "No set goal achieved satisfies. Success only breeds a new goal. The golden apple devoured has seeds. It is endless." This relentless drive defined her life and her legacy.
