In her poignant memoir How to Forget: A Daughter’s Memoir, the legendary actress Kate Mulgrew dives deep into the intricate dynamics of her relationships with her parents. Speaking exclusively to Closer Weekly, the Orange Is the New Black star opens up about the stark contrasts in her bond with her father and mother. "My father never saw me act—he believed actors were an unsavory breed," Mulgrew reveals. On the flip side, her mother was her biggest supporter. "She came to every film, TV set, and play I was in. We were more like friends than mother and daughter," she shares with a heartfelt smile.
Contrasting Goodbyes: A Father's Choice and a Mother's Struggle
Reflecting on the painful chapter of losing her parents, Kate, now 64, talks about the vastly different experiences of saying goodbye. "It’s one thing to say goodbye quickly, as in my father’s death," she explains. Her dad, who succumbed to brain cancer at the age of 83 in 2004, chose the manner of his passing. "He elected to die the way he died, so it was much easier to endure and witness that death," she says, her voice tinged with a mix of sadness and acceptance.
View this post on Instagram#tbt to a photo of me, my younger sister Jenny, and my mom. My new book, out May 21, is a memoir of my parents’ lives and deaths. Preorder #HowToForget from your preferred bookseller – link in bio.
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A Mother's Battle with Alzheimer's
However, the journey with her mother was far more harrowing. Her mom battled Alzheimer’s disease for nine long years before passing away at 78 in 2006. "Hers was a descent into darkness, and one that she would have given anything to have avoided," Kate reflects. "There’s nothing pleasant, noble, exalting, or cathartic about it. It is the single most unforgiving and merciless illness in the world," she emphasizes with raw emotion.
Being There: A Daughter's Dedication
Despite living in Los Angeles while her mother resided in Iowa, Kate remained deeply involved in her mom’s care. "I was her health care guardian, so I was there as often as I could possibly be," she says. "At the end, I was there every single day," she adds, her commitment shining through her words.
Writing to Heal: Kate's Mission in 'How to Forget'
Through her book How to Forget, Kate, who previously penned the best-selling memoir Born With Teeth in 2015, aims to provide solace to those grappling with loss. "There’s no shame in bemoaning the death of one’s parents," she reassures. "There’s no shame in one’s own great sorrow, and it should be shared so that it can be better understood," she adds, encouraging open conversations around grief.
Advocacy and Understanding: Kate's Role in Fighting Alzheimer's
Kate is also an advocate in the fight against dementia, serving as a member of the Alzheimer’s Association’s National Advisory Council. "The better we understand it, the sooner we’ll find a cure," she insists. "It begins with a deep kind of grief that we hold to ourselves. If we let it go with a little more grace and vulnerability, we stand to learn more about one another," she concludes, her words resonating with wisdom and compassion.
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